That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
