I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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