We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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