My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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