Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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