he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
