i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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