He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
