I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
