Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
