Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
