I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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