Nicole vs. Life
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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