This is not my ceiling
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
