my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
