It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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