I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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