Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
