there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
