mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
