everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
