Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm passing your future prison.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
