thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
