Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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