i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
