I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
