don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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