You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
