I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
