it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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