just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
