Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i now understand why vodka
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
