I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
