i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
