i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
