if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
