i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
