u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
