I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
