She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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