every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He shit in the fireplace
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
