I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
