based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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