I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
