so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
