thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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