I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
