3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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