So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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