I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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