it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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