I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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