At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
